ASIA puts hold on new applications

I just happened to be looking at ASIA's (our agency) website today, and noticed that they have the following notice up on their Taiwan page:

"NOTICE: It appears that the wait for healthy Taiwanese infants is growing longer and it is difficult to predict how it will change over the next months. The situation is very fluid and could slow down further or speed up, depending upon a number of circumstances. Effective August 3, 2008, ASIA has put a temporary hold to accept further applications for the Taiwan newborn to two year old program. This is due to an increasing list of families in line to submit their home studies to Taiwan. This does not impact families already in process. If you are interested in applying, I recommend you check in with the office on a regular basis to see when we will reopen this particular program. We will also post a notice on our website when we reopen. If you want to be notified by email, please email tonif@asiadopt.org . As of August 11th, the following Taiwan programs are still accepting applicants:Children 2-5 years old with minor special needs, Healthy children 5 years and older, Waiting Children of any age "


Interesting, no? Looks like we got in line just in time.......

Moving up the list!

We found out that we have advanced one place on our agency's list! Instead of being #6, where we started, we are now #5! This is because someone further up on the list has accepted the referral of an older child and is no longer in line. We are very happy for the family (whoever they are!) who will be getting their child in the near future, and very happy that we are one spot closer to our own child :)

Taiwan Fun Fact #2 - Taiwan in the Olympics

For those who don't know, Taiwan does indeed participate in the Olympics under a separate name from China. You will find them participating under "Chinese Taipei". I'm sure they would prefer to use "Republic of China" but that definitely wouldn't fly with the mainland. So keep an eye out for the Chinese Taipei teams! In 2004 Taiwan took home its first 2 gold medals - both in Taekwondo. I've heard that baseball and archery are also their strong suits.
Go Chinese Taipei!

Adoption Info #1 - Adoption Language

Adoption Language

Adoption is an interesting thing. Everyone knows a little bit about it, but relatively few know a great deal. I am definitely still learning. One thing that you learn early on in the game is that often the uninformed don't use the best terminology, and that can be taken as offensive or at least insensitive. To help out those who don't know much about the lingo, I'm posting a list of not-so-good terms and terms that could be used instead. I'll try to explain why when it is unclear.

Not-so-good Terms:

--"Real Parent/Mother/Family". This might come up in a question such as "Why couldn't her real mother keep her?" To suggest that the parents who adopt the child are not truly the child's parents can be really hurtful - not just to the parents, but to the child as well. A real parent isn't necessarily the person who gives birth to you or gives you genetic material - a real parent is the person who loves you and (ahem) parents you. The preferable term to use in this situation would be "Birth Parent/Mother/Family".

--"Natural Parent/Mother/Family". Very similar to the last term, this could come up in questions: "Are you her natural mother?" It does beg the question: what is an unnatural mother? Kind of creepy. In these cases, the term "Biological Parent/Mother/Family" would be preferable.

--"Adopted child" vs. "Own child". This could come up when you are being introduced to someone new: "This is Amber and Chris. They have an adopted daughter, and a daughter of their own." Or in the form of questions: "I know you want an adopted child, but don't you want one of your own, too?" To suggest that only one's biological children are one's "own" is a hurtful thing. One's children are one's children - how they came to join the family should be irrelevant. You may find this distinction in magazine articles about famous adoptive couples - the press is always quick to point out which children are adopted and which ones are "their own". To be polite, one should simply refer to them as "their children". If one really needs to differentiate, one could use the term "biological children" and "adopted children".

--"Is Adopted". This one may seem subtle, but it makes sense. To say "My sister IS adopted" is to label her, to place a stigma on her for the rest of her life. To say she "WAS adopted" just tells the world about her past history.

--"Adoptive Parent". This is similar to the "Own child" discussion above. It is unnecessary (in most cases) to say "Amber and Chris are the adoptive parents of an infant girl". Although there is no shame at all in adopting (I don't want to suggest that there is or that we will in any way try to hide the fact our child was adopted), the world doesn't need to constantly be reminded that that's how our family was created. (The fact that she will look different from us will be enough for most people) Simply saying "parents" in this case would work quite nicely. Besides, does a child want "adoptive parents" or do they just want "parents"? All kids need plain old parents.

There are many more right/wrong terms that come up, but I'll stick to the above ones for now, as I feel they are the most important. As a general rule of thumb, it's best just to think sensitively, and pay attention to what connotations your words may have that you don't even intend. Between adults it may not be a big deal, but when you are talking to (or in the presence of) a little child it can hurt feelings and self-esteem.

As a side note, there are also some initials that are used in adoption which may be unfamiliar, so I'll touch on those as well:

SN = special needs. This would refer to any child with medical/emotional/cognitive issues which might require extra attention.

NSN = non-special needs. This would refer to any child who has no known issues.

AP = adoptive parent.

PAP = prospective adoptive parent.

CY = Chung Yi. This is the name of the orphanage our adoption agency works with for the placement of children.

ASIA = Associated Services for International Adoption. This is the name of our adoption agency.

Taiwan Fun Fact #1 - Where is Taiwan?

Where is Taiwan?

I knew very little about Taiwan before I started researching adopting there, so I would like to share with my family and friends little bits of fun, useful info about Taiwan while we're waiting. I'm starting with the basics - Where is Taiwan? Take a look at the map above, and you'll see Taiwan in the red box. It is often described as a leaf-shaped island approximately 100 miles off the coast of mainland China. The island (there are actually many smaller islands also apart of Taiwan but which are not usually discussed) itself is slightly larger than the combined land mass of Maryland and Delaware, to put things in perspective.

On ASIA's waiting list!!

We are pleased to announce that we are now on ASIA's waiting list! Our official date is yesterday (7/28/08), and we are #6 on the list I found out today. We are excited!! That means there are 5 people ahead of us on ASIA's waiting list, waiting for a spot to open up in Taiwan. There are 3 spots in Taiwan (those are people actively waiting for a referral), so in total there are 8 people ahead of us for our agency (I have NO CLUE how many people there are total). 8 is a lucky number. We are requesting a NSN (non-special needs) infant girl age 0-12 months. My best guess at this point is that it will be perhaps 3-4 years for a referral? I am basing that upon knowing that there has not been a referral since December 2007 (so 7 months and counting), and basically there is nothing to suggest a speed-up anytime soon. We will try to be patient :) So we are done with this portion of the process, so we can mostly kick back and wait now (except that we are still having to work on our adoption education classes). I'll still post occasionally, though. I'm thinking about providing useful information about Taiwan and about adoption issues to my family and friends who will hopefully watch our journey via this blog, so check back often!

Word from Chung Yi

We FINALLY heard from our agency about what Chung Yi is saying in response to the various rumors floating around. Thankfully, there isn't any specifically bad news for us. Unfortunately, however, there really wasn't any good news either. In fact, there was very little news at all. Basically they are saying that the rumors are not true - nothing has changed in their policies or restrictions. So that means that nothing is likely to change anytime soon, either (i.e. referrals will likely continue to be either slow or non-existant). So while I'm glad nothing happened to immediately kick us out of the program, we are still concerned about the overall wait time.
Here is the email we received from our director, for those who are interested:

"As you may know, I returned from Taiwan on July 20th, after traveling with our first Taiwan family to meet their new child. Today I will write you a short note regarding the outcome of my meeting with orphanage Director, Ms. Kao; Assistant Director, Ms. Chuang; Supervisor of Social Work Section, Ms. Kuo; and Social Worker; Ms. Teng. First and foremost, Ms. Kao, the Director, indicated that they wish to continue working with ASIA as our contract stands – that is, working for the placement of both non special needs and special needs children. The wait for non special needs children, particularly infants, is very unpredictable. It is based upon how many infants become available and this greatly fluctuates. While they did not give exact numbers, they made it clear that at this time few non special needs infants are available – the length of wait to referral directly corresponds to the numbers of infants available. They did not share with me how many agencies they work with; however, they did state clearly that some agencies ONLY have contracts to place special needs children, while others, like ASIA, have contracts to place both special and non special needs children. The majority of the children available for adoption is older or are sibling groups. They did not understand why Chung Yi sibling groups were not easily adopted in our country. I explained that we have many sibling groups available in the U.S. for adoption; therefore, some families choose to adopt domestically rather than internationally. I also explained that many families prefer adopting a single, healthy infant. I raised the question again of the appearance that the U.S. is not receiving healthy infants from Chung Yi. Ms. Kao, explained, as she did previously (see ASIA’s May 26th email to Taiwan families) that the Foundation does not try to influence the choice a birth family or guardian makes. Families/guardians make the choice of adoptive family based upon their own desires or subjective assessment of which family will provide the child with the best opportunities and stability. I explained the adoptive families’ frame of reference to help the Foundation leadership understand the emotional and stressful position adoptive families experience during this wait. I told them that I will always communicate confirmed information from Chung Yi to all of ASIA’s Taiwan “families in waiting” via email letter and at the same time. I told them that I will neither rely on nor support rumors – that I will convey to families only what we know directly from the Foundation. ASIA will not support rumors, but we will inquire with Chung Yi to confirm or deny rumors or conflicting information. In my opinion, the Foundation’s leadership appears very devoted to all the children in their care, and they seek the best situation for those children. The Foundation has an obligation to place the children first domestically, then internationally – just as many other countries do. While Taiwan is not a signer on the Hague Convention, Chung Yi does follow most of the same guidelines and a priority to domestic placements is a Hague requirement. ASIA also follows the same Hague Convention requirements when working with Chung Yi. They did not provide me with any changes to current policy. As it stands, when they have changes to policy, they will inform all Foundation contracted agencies with a memorandum outlining those policies. ASIA will forward this information to waiting families as soon as possible. So for the moment, everything stands as it was two weeks ago:• ASIA contracts with Chung Yi Foundation for the placement of both special and non special needs children• The wait to referral for a healthy infant is completely unpredictable. If you choose this path with Chung Yi, I recommend you be prepared to wait several years or more; and if it happens sooner, that’s a beautiful surprise.• The referral wait for a healthy older child (two and older) is likely to be shorter, depending upon how many families are in the queue.• The referral wait for special needs and sibling groups will be the shortest.• The wait after referral to the final court date runs approximately the same for all children being adopted. That is completely dependent upon review of paperwork and availability of court dates.• Chung Yi and ASIA agree to keep the lines of communication open between us. While I wish I could tell you a precise timetable, I cannot. It would be unethical to promise something I know to be otherwise. The good news is that the children from Chung Yi appear very well cared for, loved and are as healthy as any medical condition allows them to be. Their environment is clean and cozy; it’s a lovely country with kind people – the children come from a strong heritage and tradition. And in my opinion, this counts for a lot."